Monday, November 17, 2008

Season of Transition

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven. Ecclesiastes 3: 1

Change is in the air. The last of the fall leaves have fallen and rather frigid temperatures seem to be settling in. Early mornings spent strolling through the woods and walking by the pond have been replaced by time spent indoors, and I'm thankful for the warmth of the old wood stove. As the fall season slowly transitions into winter here in the mountains, I find myself also in a new season of transition.

For a long time I've contemplated giving up my work-at-home job as a Medical Transcriptionist to return to caring for my home and family exclusively, as well as focus more on writing. It's something I've prayed about for a long time. In my heart I never felt right about working, but always seemed to find a way to justify it. I know God's word is clear that a woman's priorities are to be centered around the home, so I thought since I was in the home that I was doing the right thing. I was working at home, therefore, I must be in God's will! The problem was that my job was the number one priority. When we work at home, it's still work. We still have deadlines to meet and our work often takes center stage over things in the home.

As always, God is faithful in bringing us to the place where He wants us to be. Over the past several weeks I developed some increasing health issues that zapped my energy level and will require major surgery in the near future. At the same time my job became increasingly demanding as my boss took on more accounts. Just keeping up with all the new information was a full time job in itself. Things at home became more and more neglected. There was little time to cook, and we often ended up buying high priced take-out meals. I continually felt conviction over the state of my home. I felt for a long time that God wanted me just to focus on things at home, but yet I was afraid to take that step of faith to trust Him to supply all our needs. The medical bills arriving in the mailbox on a daily basis were a constant reminder of how much we could use the extra income. I found myself consumed with worry, fear, and nagging doubts. What if my husband was no longer able to work due to an injury or illness? What if we can't make ends meet on one income? What will people think? After all, I only have one child left at home and she is nearly eighteen. Surely I can handle a job since I have no small children! And the economy is bad right now. We need all the extra income we can get. I have to work!

Yet, my life continued to unravel before my eyes. I was exhausted and tired of trying to keep up with the rat race. Not only was the house falling apart, my entire life was pure chaos. I would read scripture, and God's word would reveal truth to me that I pushed aside and ignored, choosing instead to find an excuse not to walk in obedience. All of my worrying, fear, and excuse making only revealed the truth; I had a trust problem. I was not trusting the God who supplied our needs over three decades of raising four children solely on my husbands income; often on much meager wages than we have now. I was failing to trust the same God who never allowed us to go hungry or failed to take care of us. God had never once given me a reason not to trust Him, yet I was choosing to act as if He had.

Circumstances with my job escalated last week, and I felt as if God was putting me in a position where I finally had to take a stand. I could no longer ignore what needed to be done. It was time to step out in faith and step down from working for a season to focus on my health, my relationship with God, and those things which He has entrusted into my care; my family and my home. I parted on good terms with my boss, and she told me my job will be there if and when I choose to return, which is another blessing from God. After explaining my situation and sharing with her how I felt, she waived the two week notice that is usually required, and I was able to step down immediately. I don't know how long this season will last, but right now I know my role is to care for my home and family to the best of my ability. God will let me know when it's time to move in a different direction.

As I make the transition from working to being a full time homemaker, I pray I will embrace this new season with joy and a grateful heart, as I once again accept the highest calling of all; the call to be a wife, mother, and homemaker.

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